Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
