I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
