hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
