I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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