Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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