I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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