I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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