My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just invented taco cereal.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
