He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
