I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
