i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
