I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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