i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
