your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
