she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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