I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
