Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
