my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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