You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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