We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
