dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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