I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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