How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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