Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
