Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
