Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
