He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
