I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
