Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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