You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
