officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize