I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
