At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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