Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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