i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
