I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
