he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize