it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
