I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
