Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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