no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
