I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
sarcasm needs its own font
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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