Bisexual people are plain selfish.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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