Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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