But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
