I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
