Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
