I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
