I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
