i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize