you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
