I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
