My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
