I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
