i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
