are you still at the devil's house?
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
