1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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