Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
