There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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