Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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