Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
