good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
