For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize