why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
