um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
