Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
