i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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