By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
