im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
